A significant part of my professional experience includes working therapeutically with men. Several years with a national counselling service specifically dealing with men and their relationships, enabled identification and an in-depth understanding of the common themes and patterns of primary concern to a wide cohort of men.

Most men come to therapy knowing that their usual ways of operating in the world are no longer working. This is an important first step in opening up to the prospect of a new way forward. In confronting their own various experiences, whether of childhood abuse and its impact on them as adults, or the development of anxiety and depression compounded by challenging life circumstances, or important relationships that require transformation, the possibility for positive change and self-awareness broadens.

The hundreds of men I have worked with have discussed their vulnerabilities, expressing care about the state of their relationships, and a willingness to explore their part in the dynamic. Needing to be addressed are genuine feelings of distress and emotional pain around unresolved or repetitive issues.

Single men were also concerned by relationship dynamics, whether reflecting on and attempting to make sense of previous relationships gone wrong, grieving those relationships, or discussing their fears about being alone and isolated. Many single men revealed a desire to form meaningful relationships, but acknowledged deep-seated feelings of low self-worth, preventing them from taking the risk to become vulnerable.

An alarming observation having worked with many men is the propensity for suicide. This reveals so much about the breaking point of men, what it takes to get there, and a much needed safe space to feel and process emotional pain well before that point is reached. Having a good cry is not a strange practice to most women, but for many men it feels unbearable.

My therapy practice offers a safe space for men who are willing to confront important issues, to discuss both past and present experiences, and allow feelings to surface and be felt. This challenging but rewarding work can lead to renewed life force and an alleviation of emotional pain and distress, and an ability to connect with others in a healthier way.